Вы готовы разрешать ребенку все, считая, что именно так он лучше всего почувствует вашу любовь? Или, наоборот, вы считаете, что должны контролировать и ограничивать каждый его шаг? Как найти «золотую середину» в вопросах контроля и разрешений, рассказывает в новой книге известный психолог Адриана Имж.

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За статьями и постами психотерапевта Адрианы Имж слежу давно. Детей у меня пока нет, а \"родительский невроз\" уже есть - справлюсь ли я, как подготовиться, где соломки подстелить. За год прочитала много книг о родительстве, и эта оказалась одной из самых полезных. Она и «Тайная опора. Привязанность в жизни ребенка» Людмила Петрановская

Все как я люблю - автор опирается на исследования, приводит актуальную именно для России ситуацию относительно матерей-одиночек, однополых семей (мама, бабушка, ребенок), характерных стилей воспитания, мифов и стереотипов, социальной среды (которая тоже сильно влияет на формирование личности ребенка и родителя).

В послесловии сказано, что автор написала книгу на основе своей диссертации, но при этом написано понятно и интересно (прочитала за два вечера).

Автор рассматривает 6 основных стилей воспитания: авторитетный, демократический, попустительский, авторитарный, авторитарно-попустительский и безразличный. И многочисленные их вариации и сочетания. Подробно, на примерах объясняет, какой стиль воспитания как проявляется и к каким результатам может привести.

Хорошая новость: вредных стилей воспитания не так уж и много - авторитарно-попустительский, безразличный, ну и враждебный (жестокость, насилие, в том числе психологическое). В зависимости от уровня тревожности, заинтересованности в ребенке, количества времени на ребенка, можно понять свой стиль воспитания.

Тем, кто еще не стал родителем, но уже беспокоится, автор рекомендует пройти личную психотерапию, разобраться со своими проблемами, научиться саморегуляции, и в результате сформируется благоприятный стиль воспитания. \n \nОчень полезными показались мне простые разъяснения и примеры, как разговаривать с ребенком и выражать теплоту, качественно проводить время вместе, что такое поддерживающий контроль, вовлеченность, заинтересованность, ответственность (это не только не забывать накормить, отвести в сад, но и отслеживать свои реакции).

После прочтения многое для меня прояснилось, а беспокойство существенно снизилось.

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Книга по своей структуре напоминает учебник - куча терминологии, понятий, определений… Или сборник различных исследований ученых на тему взаимоотношений родителей и детей. На мой взгляд, подача информации должна быть все-таки попроще, если подразумевается широкий круг читателей, пометки «специализированная» или «учебная» литература на издании нет. Да и к тому же всю книгу не отпускает ощущение, что описывается хождение вокруг да около одного и того же, просто разными формулировками. Не спорю, информация, представленная здесь, полезная и дает пищу для размышлений. Я бы не назвала это легким чтением психологии, скорее углубленное изучение.

Позиция самого автора тут обезличена, поэтому выводы для себя по прочтению каждый сделает сам, что плюс.

4 из 5.

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Исследования СтивенсонХинде (1991, 1996

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Родители, склонные к плохому обращению, гиперстимулируют детей без объяснений (кричат, требуют, манипулируют, вынуждают). Это приводит к тому, что дети либо перестают реагировать на слова родителя, либо начинают оказывать сопротивление (огрызаются, делают назло, плохо выполняют требуемое), но впоследствии часто обращаются со своими детьми аналогичным образом.

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