Болезнь научила меня одному: мне очень повезло. Я оказалась в нужное время в нужном месте.
I cringe when I recall these interactions, since my mom and I had always been inseparable, and I can only imagine how much it must have hurt her. I realize that I was still holding tightly on to an amorphous grudge against her for reasons that seem so meritless now. Though the hospital was a blur, residual anger from that time remained somewhere in my subconscious. Somehow I had convinced myself that she hadn’t spent enough time with me in the hospital, though this was neither fair nor true. On some level, her suffering, which she had buried so deeply, had begun to drain out of her unconsciously and onto me. The worst part was that the struggle didn’t end once the hospital stay was over; now she had to live with this hostile stranger, her own daughter, who had once been one of her closest friends. But instead of sympathizing with her pain, which certainly matched and may have even surpassed my own, I took her suffering as an affront—a sign that she could not handle how flawed the sickness had made me.
More than just the recovery of a memory, though, this was the turning point when my mom finally conceded how afraid she had been, revealing through her tears that she hadn’t always been certain that I would be “fine.” And with that simple, natural gesture, our relationship rounded a corner. She once again became my ultimate confidante, companion, and supporter. It took accepting how close I had come to death (something impossible before, because it was her survival mechanism to deny) to finally allow us to move forward together.
Sometimes, just when we need them, life wraps metaphors up in little bows for us. When you think all is lost, the things you need the most return unexpectedly.
Patients may be able to return to work, function in society, or even live on their own, but they feel that they have more difficulty doing the things that had once come organically, leaving them essentially still far away from the person they were before the illness.
The girl in the video is a reminder about how fragile our hold on sanity and health is and how much we are at the utter whim of our Brutus bodies, which will inevitably, one day, turn on us for good. I am a prisoner, as we all are. And with that realization comes an aching sense of vulnerability.
Some buried feeling unites me fiercely with that painting. I have since mounted it on the wall above me in the room where I write, and often I find myself staring off at it when I’m lost in thought. Maybe, even though “I” was not there to experience it for the first time, some part of me nevertheless was present during that museum visit, and maybe for that entire lost month. That idea comforts me.
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Богатый опыт показывает, что наиболее эффективный способ превращения рыночной экономики в авторитарную — это, для начала, введение прямого контроля над обменом валюты.
Порой профессионал настолько занят сбором информации, что забывает о людях, участниках события. “Интересно, — подумал он, — это происходит от бесчувственности, порождаемой слишком долгой причастностью к разного рода событиям, или от необходимой отстраненности, какую вырабатывают в себе врачи?” Слоун надеялся, что это второе, а не первое.